Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match
– Lyrics from Fiddler on the Roof
Ahh, so you’ve tried everything including a dating coach and still no match! For goal oriented singles with money to spare, it may be time to wave the white flag and call in the professionals… The Matchmaker! Yes, matchmakers have been around since the beginning of time. But, today’s matchmakers are nothing like what you may think, ala the Jewish Yenta, the plump Chinese Amah, etc. Today’s matchmakers are often young attractive sleuths hunting for the right prey for their equally young clientele who are too busy to find “the right one” and who have money to spare (you didn’t think this service is cheap, did you?). Melissa Brown, CEO of “It’s Just Lunch”, a matchmaking service founded in 1991 has observed that her fastest growing age groups are the 20 and 30-year olds, “They’re sick of swiping, winking, and countless hours of talking to people that pretty much goes nowhere”.
Is Matchmaking Right for You? Before you plunk down $$$ for your very own matchmaker, here are some factors to consider:
- Do You Have Money to Spare?: Matchmakers are not cheap; fees run the gamut with different packages, length and type of service, and guarantees. Many like “Three Day Rule”, a dating service that was started by Talia Goldstein in 2013 in the form of large parties she’d throw in her apartment for her young singles friends charges $5,50 for a wide range of services detailed below. While other high-end matchmakers such as “Selective Search”, a luxury dating service founded by Mitch Berk, charges $50,000 for a yearlong contract. As Berk explained, someone who hires a matchmaker is usually financially well off who has an accountant, lawyer, personal trainer, and even maybe a chef. Ergo, that type of client can surely afford a matchmaker!
- Matchmaking is Perfect for the Goal-Oriented Dater: Given the amount of fees charged by matchmakers, this service should be used only if you’re deadly serious about finding a long-term partner. Unlike dating apps, matchmakers will go to the ends of the earth to help their clients find a good fit. Hiring a matchmaker will exponentially increase your odds of finding a long term mate; some matchmakers will guarantee a certain amount of matches that a client will find to be a good match.
- No Time for Vetting or Dating the Thousands of Matches from Dating Apps?: One of the biggest reasons that today’s single selects a matchmaker is that they are just too busy, not to mention frustrated with dating apps. In a 2018 survey conducted by Match.com, 55% of 5,000 Match singles said that technology makes it harder to make personal connections, with 54% feeling overwhelmed by the work involved. With a matchmaker, you don’t need to do the “dirty work” that takes hours of your time and leaves you emotionally drained and frustrated. Think of matchmakers as people you’ve outsourced to do the time-consuming and often annoying task of eliminating any undesirable mates. If you’re a busy working professional who can afford the fees, why not outsource the search and time involved in dating?
How a Matchmaker Can Make Dating Less Time Consuming and Fun: Matchmaking services can vary by company, but there are six main functions that most commonly do for their clients:
- Scout and Vet Potential Dating Partners: After interviewing a dating client on a wide range of topics to determine what their client is looking for in a partner or whether there are any deal breakers, the matchmaker will search the ends of the earth trying to find potential matches. Often they will go to gyms, coffee shops, bars, cocktail parties, and even college alumni reunions to find potential partners. They will also vet potential matches by talking and spending time with them so that they can make sure that the suitors they present to their clients are legitimate and a good fit. Think of matchmakers in the same vein as lawyers in a business transaction of merging two business entities; their job is to conduct due diligence which involves tedious and time-consuming tasks to ensure a successful merger. Whereas dating apps focus on casting the widest net for potential dating partners (Where do you think the dating app POF, Plenty of Fish, came from?!), matchmakers focus on whittling a large pool to only a select few potential partners. This saves their clients time, the hassle involved in vetting any bad apples or “catfishers”, and the possibility of future heartaches with someone who may not be a good fit. After all, you never know who’s on the other end of a match. One satisfied customer, Natasha Topinka, a 41-year-old Pharmaceutical Rep who paid $4,500 the matchmaking company, “Three Day Rule” for 18 guaranteed in-person matches said, “There’s a mediator in between, kind of doing quality control”.
- Prepares You for Dates: Unlike dating coaches, most matchmakers focus more on helping their client’s outward appearance shine. Their services may include helping you shop for appropriate clothes, or preparing for professional photo shoots.
- Communicates on Your Behalf: Matchmakers will often communicate on behalf of their clients in a number of ways whether it’s writing breakup texts for those dates that don’t go well, or in one case sleuthing the bowels of media to follow up on a potential match. In one case, a matchmaker from “Three Day Rule” named Christie having spotted a flyer in the trendy Silver Lake District in LA of a local musician, 46-year old John Mark Owens, tracked down the musician through his Instagram account. Suspecting John would be a good match (both were foodies) for her client, 41-year old Sunny Lie, a Communications Professor at Cal Poly Pomona, Christie DM’d John to see whether he (i) was single, (ii) would be interested in a long term relationship, and (iii) whether he would in meet Sunny. Initially, John mistook the matchmaker’s message as spam. “I was like, ‘Oh wow, is this a real thing people do?’” said John. After getting over the shock of being approached by a matchmaker through his Instagram account, John replied to Christie that he indeed ready to meet her client, and to be in a long term relationship. In order to vet John before introducing him to Sunny, Christie went on a “date” with John. Asking many of the same questions that she had asked Sunny— relationship history, family dynamics and more, Christie concluded that John would be a strong candidate for Sunny to meet. After filling in the details of John with Sunny, Christie then gave Sunny’s phone number to John. Fast forward a year or so later in January 2010…John and Sunny for married. And the guest of honor…the matchmaker of course!
- Gets Immediate Feedback of Dates: Another benefit of having a matchmaker is that she will talk to both sides of a date and provide immediate feedback such as whether someone had talked too much about themselves, or behaved inappropriately. Getting immediate feedback helps clients by learning what behaviors he may need to work on for future dates. For some of you BRAVO fans, who can forget Patti Stagger in the show “The Millionaire Dollar Matchmaker” that aired for eight seasons from 2008 talking to her clients and their dates following a date?!!!
- Makes Dating Fun Again for Clients : By taking out the mundane and time-consuming aspects of dating, clients can enjoy dating again; it allows them to focus only on the date itself. In an unexpected bonus, some matchmaking clients have found that the process of matchmaking actually made them feel better about themselves. Despite initial embarrassment about having to turn to a matchmaker, clients often found that once they got passed the embarrassment of a “set up” date, they felt more comforted knowing that they were not alone in their frustration with dating. Said 55-year old Chris Patten of Marina Del Rey who worried about coming across as pathetic to a woman set up by his matchmaker, “The opposite happened because it was consoling that both people were in the same boat, ‘We’re both here because we’ve waved the white flag.”
So, singles, if you feel frustrated with the amount of time and emotional toll that dating can have over time, and you’re a goal-oriented person with a deep pocketbook, why not give matchmakers a try?
****Cocktail Chatterers, have you ever used a matchmaker or would consider using one?”
Let us know by commenting below